Culture Is Created in the Moments We Skip

Culture doesn’t die in one big moment.
It withers in a thousand small ones.

Things are very, very busy right now.

If you feel overwhelmed and too stretched to take care of the “little things,” you’re not alone. Almost every leader I’m working with is juggling more than feels reasonable. They’re getting through the have-tos. The “shoulds” and “wants”? Those are falling off the list.

But here’s the part we don’t say out loud:

The little things aren’t little.

I was recently talking with a leader I’ll call Mark. He’s building a new division inside his organization. He’s hired smart people. Set clear goals. He’s moving fast. On paper, everything looks strong.

And yet, something subtle is happening underneath.

Meetings go straight to the agenda. Decisions are made efficiently, but not always collaboratively. Feedback shows up mostly when something needs fixing. The team retreat has been postponed more than once because “now isn’t a good time.”

Nothing dramatic. No big blowups.

Just a slow erosion of connection.

Mark isn’t trying to shape culture. But he is – every single day. Because even if you’re not intentionally building culture, it is still being built. In ways you want… and in ways you don’t.

Culture is not built in mission statements. It’s built in micro-moments.

It lives in the skipped check-in – when you jump straight to work because you’re being “efficient,” and the message becomes: output matters more than people.

In the meeting that dives straight into tasks – no framing, no shared context – and the message becomes: alignment is assumed, not created.

In the decision made without broader conversation — fast and decisive — and the message becomes: your voice doesn’t matter here.

In the gathering that keeps getting delayed. “We’ll do it when things calm down.” And the message becomes: relationship-building is optional.

Each of those moments sends a signal.

And culture is built from signals.

Connection isn’t optional.

Here’s what Mark is learning (and what you probably already suspect deep down): shaping culture doesn’t require a sweeping initiative. It requires micro-intentionality.

Start by naming the culture you actually want. More ownership? More candor? More collaboration? More trust? What do you want people to feel when they show up — clarity, energy, safety, pride?

Say it out loud. Write it down. Share it. Culture cannot grow in ambiguity.

Then look for the small levers already inside your week.

• If you want more ownership, end meetings with clear commitments and clarity on who decides.

• If you want more collaboration, ask, “Who haven’t we heard from?”

• If you want more trust, admit a mistake and appreciate effort publicly.

• If you want more connection, start with one human question before diving into work — or finally protect that half-day to step back together.

These aren’t heavy lifts.

They are small, repeated signals.

And culture doesn’t drift toward excellence. It drifts toward efficiency and reactivity — especially when everyone is busy and tired. Especially when you’re building something new. Especially when pressure is high.

So I’ll leave you with this:

If someone joined your team tomorrow, what would they feel in their first week?

That feeling is the result of thousands of small moments. Many of them skipped.

You have a choice.

Create culture — or let it quietly wither.

What moment will you stop skipping this week?

If you’re realizing your team could use intentional space to reset and realign, this is exactly the work I facilitate — through retreats, all-hands gatherings, and focused strategy sessions designed to strengthen connection and clarity.